I went to a black tie dinner tonight, except it wasn't black tie and there was no dinner. It was a sort of charity auction in connection with the upcoming Arsenal v Man City game. Arsene Wenger and Roberto Mancini turned up halfway through, bringing with them a few players, two of whom did some live scribbling which went for £3,000. There were the inevitable signed shirts & footballs, a replica Princess Di handbag, a VIP box at the Bird's Nest etc, and we contributed a set of the London Olympics posters by some real artists which went for £1,500.
Anyway, the invitation said 'black tie & gowns' so I duly donned a DJ and dicky-bird, only to find out that no-one else had. Well, not quite true - one other guy did. He came up to me halfway through and we commiserated with each other.
Dinner turned out to be a few canapes, nibbled in armchairs while we watched the proceedings, which also included a song by a small throng of smiling children and a weepy video of some unsmiling orphans. All very weird. However, I did get to meet referee Howard Webb, famous for issuing 14 yellow cards and one red in the 2010 World Cup Final. Nice guy. He introduced me - if I got this right - to his manager and assistant. Since when did referees have managers and assistants?
I got home and had baked beans on toast.